Nothing matters to me anymore.
No-one understands who I am.
No-one can free me from this prison I put myself it.
I don’t choose to be free.
To be caged means I will be punished for my sins.
To fight myself is useless.
To fight for my freedom is meaningless to me.
I don’t care about my suffering.
But I care for other people’s suffering.
Contradictory as it seems, I realise that this is who I am.
A demon in a world full of near-angels.
Should I fall, it will be a triumph for all of humanity.
They will see that there is a light within their soul.
I don’t matter.
It’s going to be alright.
I don’t need to purge this world of light.
I don’t need to massacre anyone.
I’m not Hitler…I’m not Hitler 2.0…
But I will show the people around me that they are the light…
And that I am the dark.
Yohane…my darling…you still have some light in you.
You may not be in any way related to me…you may consider yourself a fallen angel.
But actually…you’re nowhere near as evil as I…
I, who hurts his friends, tears apart his family, and enrages communities of religious people by stating how monstrous their belief is.
Demons aside, you’re still an angel.
Doom in hell is where I am destined.
But you…Yohane-chan…you’re still a beacon of light.
Even if the world is too blind to see the light in their heart…
That light which frees us all from suffering and sin…
That does not require any religious following…
They all have the key to be free of all this.
They will not listen to me, however.
Thus, my death will awaken the light.
It will enlighten the people, and disintegrate the shadows that cloud their judgement.
It will make them all Buddhas…
Even if it doesn’t follow Buddhism at all…
The evil in my heart, as a result of depression, is one I choose to live with…or rather die with. If you find this offensive, I do not blame you. But like I said, I am depressed. I am mentally ill. There is no reason to attack the weak, even if the weak fight back, because I will die anyways. I will get what I deserve.
This post is not meant to be responded to. It is a true rambling, in its purest form. It’s my way of finding the reason to help the people of this world…by making them see just how powerful they really are. That they all can change the world eternally…for the better. Let this anger I have towards myself be meaningful in the development of this world.
I am no longer a religion follower.
There is no point.