I Swear That I’m Alive!

Hahaha…. (sheepishly laughs). Hey, everyone…

Listen, long story short, I’m on clinical placement now, I had finished my exams roughly a month ago, and right now I’m just tired out of my brain.

I saw that no traffic was going to my blog, so I decided it was time for a quick update… I know that I was meant to have… five… blog posts in the works. But to be honest, I’ve kinda stopped caring so much about philosophy. I’m just… tired… of it.

Like… I feel tired of arguing with myself… this hypothetical self which is always negative and pessimistic, cynical and unforgiving to the self.

And people tell me that I should probably abandon the blog at age 20… which is gonna happen next year.

So the question is… are these two events related to one another? Is this the world telling me not to continue this blog? Possibly…

Though, I can’t say I WANT to abandon this. It’s a really nice (for a really strange interpretation of nice) thing for me to have this blog. It’s been an eye-opener… a real relief from the weight upon my shoulders…

But it isn’t enough…

Every day, I am still faced with anxiety. Anxiety over not remembering all the things I’ve learned about radiography… from centre points (where to centre an x-ray) to making so many repeats. From clinical indications (in what condition the patient will show up to the x-ray room, with what sort of diseases) to getting my head around the workflow… and the pressure to do it right. It’s starting to be manageable with meditation exercises… but it’s not all roses and rainbows.

The fact that all this anxiety and stress is normal makes me wish that it wasn’t normal. It makes me wish that there was something I could do to TREAT it, instead of having to live with it. It’s tiring. It’s obsessive. It’s chronically obstructive and intrusive around every turn. It’s honestly the WORST thing about the human experience… and we ALL have adrenaline to blame.

Hyperactivity of the adrenal glands via endocrine glands and mental stimulation due to synaptic stimulation of neurons to produce memories of distress… sounds like anxiety in a human anatomy frame of mind.

As you can see… I’m very “over-tired”… I never realised how seven hours of sleep can make you feel like trash the next day at work. Poopie…

Anyway… sorry for the hiatus… I’ve just been preoccupied. Life just doesn’t like me being productive.

Take care, dear reader. DFTBA…